roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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