roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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