Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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