We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
