I want to make a zoo with you.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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