Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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