The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He called his prostate his "boner button".
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
