So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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