On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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