i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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