he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
