Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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