once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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