I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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