He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I supernannyed him into submission
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
