I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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