You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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