In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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