So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
