Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
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What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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