The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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