D3 body, D1 cock
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
