This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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