genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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