A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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