Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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