You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
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Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize