so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
