I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
