He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize