is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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