i don't like sucking hair
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I have aggressive nipples.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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