you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
