$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
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We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
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I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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