Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
