There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
