Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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