how can u be prego again
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
