3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
