i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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