I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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