i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
