dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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