I didn't shave. On purpose
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
