I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
