You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
