I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
