goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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