Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
