Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
