She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
