just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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