I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
