Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
