My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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