Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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