You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
