Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
