I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
How does one acquire holy water?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
