Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
